Too toxic to touch!

 

 

There are individuals in our world who must be avoided at all costs.  These people are simply incapable of acting in a trustworthy manner as they lack the character upon which a viable relationship can be based.  In their eyes, appeasement is to compromise as allegiance is to loyalty. Allow me to expand. 

Putin offers a perfect example.  When he provoked Ukraine and the world by invading Crimea, he was not looking to find a peaceful resolution to his demands.  There was no expectation of compromise over his actions; he wanted only appeasement.  In his economy, there should be no response or consequences. That is essentially what transpired.  Absent compromise, Putin felt the liberty to expand his ambitions and appeasement got us 2022! 

That is a macro example of appeasement.  But a more granular example is found in the actions of men like Harvey Weinstein, Frank Stronach, Peter Nygard, Jeffrey Epstein or Mohamed al-Fayed. All of these men have been accused of sexual predation in their respective work places.  When they approached female employees, they were not looking for a compromise.  They expected, nay demanded, appeasement of their desires.  They anticipated that there would be no consequences to their actions.  They were prepared to give up NOTHING... they certainly had no dignity to lose. 

The same analogy applies to allegiance versus loyalty. The US Pledge of Allegiance states ‘...I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands...’ It is noteworthy that the pledge is not to any person or persons.  The allegiance is a one directional commitment because a flag or a republic is incapable of a relationship with or commitment to something else. One offers their allegiance without an expectation in return.  Loyalty, on the other hand, is a two-way commitment.  One person commits themselves to the support of another on the basis of commitments made by the other.  It is a relationship based on mutual goals and understandings and lasts as long as both parties hold to those values.  Therein lies the fundamental difference between allegiance and loyalty; one directional commitment versus bi-directional. 

At a macro level, I would submit that Donald Trump looks for allegiance, not loyalty.  His view seems to be ‘...do as I say, not as I do...’ and he refuses to hold himself accountable for any failures or shortcomings in the relationships he maintains. At a more granular level, you may find yourself in situations in the work place or outside of that environment, in which others look to you for allegiance, a relationship devoid of consequences, versus loyalty, a relationship of mutual care and consideration. The former is unhealthy and cannot last.  The latter is a relationship of equals. 

Discard those situations that are defined by appeasement and allegiance.  Seek out those characterized by compromise and loyalty.  You will be safer and healthier to be absent the toxicity. 

Remembrance Day

 

In May 2024 I visited the Reichwald Commonwealth Cemetery in Kleve, Germany. It is the final resting place for 7500 mostly Canadian veterans of World War Two. There are also souls from Australia, New Zealand and Poland.

Believe me, you do not just remember. It is impossible to forget.

On November 11th, take a moment to say thank you to those whom you will never meet. They believed in the future and paid the price to protect it. Now it is our turn to acknowledge them...

Are you a problem solver...or a gatherer?

 

As a leader, you have accepted the premise that ‘...the buck stops here...’ When a member of your team needs assistance, you are there to advise and assist.  But there is an important, even essential, difference between assisting and enabling.  By this I mean, are you assisting to solve an issue, or are you inserting yourself to enable another avoid completing their assignment...are you gathering problems to ‘solve’? 

To be certain, a great leader is one who is able to solve the big problems.  They have the experience and wisdom to separate the wheat from the chaff and get to the bottom of the issue.  From there, they are able to develop solutions and effect results.  But these leaders do not seek out small problems simply to demonstrate their competency. 

When small problems are brought to their attention, their assistance comes in the form of teaching rather than doing.  They highlight the principles involved in analyzing the matter and then creating solutions. And then they stand back to allow the person to solve their own ‘problem’. 

However, too often we see the leader jump at the chance to be ‘... the source of all knowledge...’ and to solve every issue brought to their attention.  This is done for a variety of reasons which include a need for validation of their abilities, a desire to control the development of others, to gain personal attention, a lack of trust in others etc.  It serves no one any good. 

Rather than pay attention to the big issues, these leaders get bogged down in the less significant.  They stunt their personal development and they blunt the development of their team members.  The fact is that they spend more time doing someone else’s job and less on their own. 

It might feel good to have others depend on as you bail them out.  But that is a temporary emotion that fades more and more quickly with each time you do it.  Before long, resentment, not satisfaction, will characterize your attitude.  

Don’t fall into the trap of gathering problems to demonstrate your ability to solve them. Give others the tools they need to develop the experience and wisdom that they need to solve their own problems.  At the end of the day, that will be the most important solution you can provide. 

For your consideration.

 

As I approach a milestone birthday, my children asked me to list the five life lessons that mean the most to me.  This was my response. 

 

• Reputation is what others think of you.  Character is who you really are.  Build character! 

 

• No cemetery has a gravestone that says ‘...I wish I spent more time on my job...’ Family and friends are the ones who sacrifice when you choose to work rather than nurture your relationships with them.  Choose wisely. 

 

• We all make mistakes.  Be slow to judge and quick to forgive.  Life is way too short to carry anger. 

 

• Set your standards high and resist the temptation to lower them when your efforts to achieve them face challenges.  

 

• Measure twice and cut once.  Or hire someone who can! None of us is great at everything so focus on what you do best! 

A message to leaders,

 

 

Dance like nobody’s watching!! 

 

Behave like everyone is...